Fear can be a funny thing, it sneaks up on you, slides into the small places unobtrusively, carefully and slowly smothering you in its tension. Then you realize it is there, surrounding you again. Affecting your actions and thoughts and connections. Pushing all those submerged old beliefs back up to the surface, igniting the insecurities and fanning the flames of self doubt.
I have recently discovered that I am afraid of trusting myself, the real me, trusting my soul, which in translation is a disbelief that we are ultimately cared for and loved. If I don’t trust that inner spark of source at the core of my being, what do I trust?
My mind? My enforced sense of will? I will work hard enough, I will make it happen, I will change….
The interesting thing is that those things aren’t bringing me any closer to the peace, happiness or life I seek… In fact the Universe/Source/God is ensuring that these things are no longer working for me; I can think about, & plan around & will things into… Nothing.
The shifts that we are all feeling currently are challenging the fundamental systems that we believe in and work by; encouraging us to connect and live instinctively, to follow our innate mastery, our primary Be-ing.
This is different from our “Passion” ( I always found this such a frustrating concept.. that we were expected to find the one thing that we were passionate about.. how could I tag just one thing??!!) It is rather who we have come in to BE, how we shine, what makes us feel light & some how just right. It is elusive and more of a state of being, than a full blown, make it happen, kind of intensity. That place that feels right, not an emotional feeling but well, an internal energy feeling of rightness.
Now when fear creeps in I watch it, feel it, thank it for bringing my attention to my disconnection and let it go, let it rise off me like mist.
When I trust and calibrate to this inner knowledge, my dance of co-creation with Source becomes easier. It is, for me, a gentle + quiet process, that brings things, people and events into my life for me to look at assess and decide if they suit me. Source always gives me freedom of choice… never have I felt that where I am encouraged to go is wrong for me… but that’s where the trust comes in J (and the fear leaves)